Poem: New Year’s Day

Inspired by my walk at Mucking on January 1st 2013. Photos and a brief account are a few posts below this.

New Year’s Day

I walked alone beneath
the cavern skies,
purple clouds hung in
mourning of the Old Year,
long shadows cast on
wet green fields that
hid the silent rot of
myriad ordinary lives.

I watched alone across
the salted marsh,
startled birds in flight
over slate grey waters,
endless eddies of the
river ebbing out a
tide that drowned the rust of
long lost anchors.

I listened alone above
a sea-fresh wind,
words and songs lost in
Nature’s restless murmur,
and recalled the plans
of those yesteryears
that once burned bright and fierce
on New Year’s Day.

Kino rage: the death of cinema etiquette (or… Be quiet!)

What is it about cinema? I’ve always loved it and we are spoiled today with an array of multiplexes. With their smaller studio screens they have even recognised that there is a market for art house and foreign cinema, as well as the latest blockbuster, so even those of a more discerning taste can find something to watch.

However, today’s excursion to Skyfall, a second viewing, mid-week and starting at just about tea time, was an eye-opener as far as the behaviour of other cinemas-goers  went. Perhaps at 40 I am becoming a curmudgeonly old git. On the other hand, perhaps my twat toleration levels are severely depleted. Anyway, herewith some handy thoughts to make communal viewing a more pleasurable experience, inspired by unprecedented levels of cretinous behaviour at today’s screening.

Start time

It used to be that you had to buy a local newspaper to find out what was on at the local cinema. Now, though, with a little initiative, you can find the start time listed online. Ain’t technology great? Knowing when the film begins is Very Handy. It means you don’t have to walk in after the adverts, after the trailers and after the opening sequences. Yes, that goes for all TWELVE of you that did that today. You can actually enjoy the whole film (!) if you turn up on time.

Seats

Cinemas generally allocate seats. You can find your seat reference handily printed on your ticket. Don’t be a twat and pretend that you didn’t know you were sitting in the premium seats when you only paid for standard. It’s only embarrassing for you when you are asked to move.

Fidgeting

Sit still. I realise this is a challenge in our ADHD-addled 21st Century world, but honestly. The length of the film can be found online. If you can’t sit still, don’t bloody ruin it for the rest of us by fidgeting like an arse and making your chair squeak.

Food and drink

It’s a cinema. Not a restaurant. Of course have a snack or sweets. But EAT QUIETLY. And certainly with your mouth shut, unlike the munching fules that insisted on rustling their popcorn today before chomping away with their mouths open, so we could all share in the sonorous delights of their mastication.

The loo

Go before the film. Trust me. It’s the best plan. As above, you can tell how long the film lasts. You know how long you can usually go without going. So go before. And don’t order that bucket-sized Pepsi which is a diabetes bomb waiting to explode. You never know when you are going to rub up against the person who won’t move or stand up to let you out. Plan ahead.

Phones

Does this really need saying? Turn them off! You are not James Bond, even if you think you are. You are not going to be called into action. If you are awaiting an important call, or are concerned about the welfare of someone else, get your priorities right and get out of the cinema. It’s not like you have to wait years for it to come out on DVD. You are NOT more special than the rest of us and you really can survive without a text message for two hours. There was a time when people went their entire lives without sending or receiving texts. No, honestly. It is true.

Talking

Don’t! Again, does this really need saying? The odd whisper? Of course. A gasp of surprise? Definitely. Laughter? If appropriate. Talking? NEVER!

And finally?

Follow these simple rules and enjoy the film. Or else…

Gimli at Helmsdeep, Gollum karaoke, Indy brilliance and French Art House – more LEGO® anarchy

Can’t beat a bit of LEGO® stop motion. There’s some truly brilliant stuff around, some of the best knocked up by the Brotherhood Workshop. Here are four of my recent favourites, two from the aforementioned creative team.

This has a great Lord Of The Rings riff on a box (Legolas trying to help Gimli see over the parapets):

Gollum singing the Justin Bieber classic “Baby”:

A lovingly created Indiana Jones pastiche from kd2apoof called “Indiana Jones and the Mystical Gemstone”:

A full-length French thriller, by Maxime Marion and Studio Sepsilon, complete with subtitles (!):

 

 

Music’s endless capacity to inspire

Wherever you are in the world, whatever you do, music seems to have an incredible capacity to lift the spirits and create a sense of purpose and community. Here are two very different examples of that inspirational power in action.

The first is a musical flashmob that was sponsored by Spain’s fifth largest bank, Som Sabadell, to celebrate its 130th year of operations. Flashmobs have a wonderful way of startling people with their incongruity whilst at the same time generating a sense of fun and bystander participation in something quite special.

The second is the amazing story of Paraguay’s Landfill Harmonic, where children and young adults have made their instruments exclusively from rubbish reclaimed from the tip in Catuera. Built on top of a landfill that is still active, receiving 1,500 tonnes of waste a day, and where the water is regularly polluted, the story of this little band is nothing short of miraculous. Director of the orchestra, Favo Chavez has created something very special, using music to help the local youngsters aspire to rise above the danger and misery of their lives.

A film is in production about their stunning achievements.

Effervescent Theatre’s dark magic… And my future brother-in-law’s film-acting debut!

“Heed now the tale of Rapunzel and Thyme,

Tick tock tick tock,

Whose lives were bound by a pocketwatch,

Tick tock tick tock…”

Effervescent Theatre have a new production opening in Plymouth on 13th February. It’s called The Fish Hearted Bride and is a dark and twisted story that mixes in elements of well-known fairy tales to create a show for all the family.

As part of the promo, my ultra-cool future brother-in-law was asked to star in their promotional film trailer. Check it out below and tell me he shouldn’t be in the next Tolkien movie, swinging a bloody great sword!

70 years since five famous adventurers made their debut

It’s 70 years since Enid Blyton’s Famous  Five made their debut in Five on a Treasure Island. I remember reading those novels voraciously as a youngster, determined that when I was exploring castles, such as Raglan and Bodiam, I would also find gold and be an adventurer.

It wasn’t all harmony, though, probably as they were all family, and Anne and George certainly didn’t hit it off. For my part, as a kid I always thought George was a pretty cool kinda girl. There was no messing about with her. Or rather there was a lot of messing about – in trees, clambering rocks and generally getting into scrapes. Anne always seemed a little bit precious and not like any of the girls I hung around with. We were all in it together, grazing knees, throwing apples at each other and having stick wars.

Anyway, I maintain that Enid Blyton is the reason for my love of reading, my love of a good story and a continuing childish sense of adventure. So in celebration of the Famous Five, here’s Anne meeting George for the first time.

When Anne awoke she couldn’t at first think where she was. She lay in her little bed and looked up at the slanting ceiling, and at the red roses that nodded at the open window – and suddenly remembered all in a rush where she was! “I’m at Kirrin Bay- and it’s the holidays.” she said to herself, and screwed up her legs with joy.

Then she looked across at the other bed. In it lay the figure of another child, curled up under the bed-clothes. Anne could just see the top of a curly head, and that was all. When the figure stirred a little, Anne spoke.

“I say! Are you Georgina?”

The child in the opposite bed sat up and looked across at Anne. She had very short curly hair, almost as short as a boy’s. Her face was burnt a dark-brown with the sun, and her very blue eyes looked as bright as forget-me-nots in her face. But her mouth was rather sulky, and she had a frown like her father’s.

“No,” she said. “I’m not Georgina.”

“Oh!” said Anne, in surprise. “Then who are you?”

“I’m George,” said the girl. “I shall only answer if you call me George. I hate being a girl. I won’t be. I don’t like doing the things that girls do. I like doing the things that boys do. I can climb better than any boy, and swim faster too. I can sail a boat as well as any fisher-boy on this coast. You’re to call me George. Then I’ll speak to you. But I shan’t if you don’t.”

“Oh!” said Anne, thinking that her new cousin was most extraordinary. “All right! I don’t care what I call you. George is a nice name, I think. I don’t much like Georgina. Anyway, you look like a boy.”

“Do I really?” said George, the frown leaving her face for a moment. “Mother was awfully cross with me when I cut my hair short. I had hair all round my neck; it was awful.”

The two girls stared at one another for a moment. “Don’t you simply hate being a girl?” asked George.

“No, of course not,” said Anne. “You see – I do like pretty frocks- and I love my dolls- and you can’t do that if you’re a boy.”

“Pooh! Fancy bothering about pretty frocks,” said George, in a scornful voice. “And dolls! Well, you are a baby, that’s all I can say.”

Anne felt offended. “You’re not very polite,” she said. “You won’t find that my brothers take much notice of you if you act as if you knew everything. They’re real boys, not pretend boys, like you.”

“Well, if they’re going to be nasty to me I shan’t take any notice of them,” said George, jumping out of bed. “I didn’t want any of you to come, anyway. Interfering with my life here! I’m quite happy on my own. Now I’ve got to put up with a silly girl who likes frocks and dolls, and two stupid boy-cousins!”

Wooden wonder – Levi van Veluw’s new automata

Automata are non-electronic moving machines that, in ancient times, were used either as toys, or idols or to demonstrate basic scientific principles.

Art and design website Colossal carries images and a video of Dutch artist Levi van Veluw’s newest creation, in wood (originally sourced from Faith Is Torment). There is something fascinating and beautiful about the intricacy of its mechanical design and I can only marvel at the skill of people with the talent and patience to make things such as this.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

 

From Scooby Doo to the human beat-box and Queen of the Night: the stunning versatility of the human voice

I often spend my Sunday evenings soaked in wine and good conversation, some beautiful opera or song playing as the fire crackles and the chatter fades away to a more melancholic reflection. Such moments reveal the beauty and versatility of the human voice. It’s an instrument you can take anywhere to entertain and enthrall. Whether it is using their vocal chords to imitate a musical instrument, an electronic drum kit or merely another voice, the Internet reveals plenty of examples out there of incredible vocal talent, not all as obvious as you might first imagine.

Here are some of my favourites that celebrate our most portable and personal of instruments.

Queens of the Night

Mozart’s Aria, Der Hölle Rache, is one of the most notoriously demanding for a female soprano, hitting the high F two octaves above middle C – very rare for opera. Here are four of my favourite performances – from one regarded as near perfect (Diana Damrau) to arguably the worst recording ever – Florence Foster Jenkins, all via two extraordinary impromptu performances from youngsters.

Vodpod videos no longer available. Vodpod videos no longer available.
Vodpod videos no longer available. Vodpod videos no longer available.

The human beat-boxes

These four take having a sense of rhythm to a whole new level. The range of sounds and noises they produce is quite extraordinary.

Vodpod videos no longer available. Vodpod videos no longer available.
Vodpod videos no longer available. Vodpod videos no longer available.

The impressionists

Every since I was a kid I have been fascinated with impersonating other voices. I have had a stab at it myself and can manage a fairly credible Iain Paisley and, after a whisky or three, a fairly menacing Clint. These four, though, are something else, impersonating everything from cartoon characters and singers to zebras and car engines.

Vodpod videos no longer available. Vodpod videos no longer available.
Vodpod videos no longer available. Vodpod videos no longer available.

The instrument impersonators

After a few beers I do quite a good guitar solo impression from Stairway to Heaven. I also do a pretty mean trumpet impression, especially if it’s a brass band take on Abide With Me. My guitar and trumpet impressions are nothing compared to these two, though.

Vodpod videos no longer available. Vodpod videos no longer available.

The singers

And so, full circle, to singing and the simple joy of making a beautiful sound. From two Asian unknowns to Callas and Pavarotti, the world has been privileged to enjoy some truly beautiful voices, from all walks of life.

Vodpod videos no longer available. Vodpod videos no longer available.
Vodpod videos no longer available. Vodpod videos no longer available.

Stunning street art illusions

I’ve mentioned my love of illusions before.

One of the things that has captivated me since I first stumbled across it online is that genre of art where artists compose 3D illusions on pavements, usually out of chalk. There is something genuinely fascinating about the way the brain tricks the eye and some of the pictures are simply genius.

A number of those below are by the Belgium-based British artist Julian Beever, whose work has become world-renowned. According to his own website, he has been creating street art like this for over twenty years. However, it’s only in the age of the Internet, that people have been able to showcase work that is often ephemeral, washed away with the next big downpour.

The YouTube clip, below the gallery, shows the construction and reaction to a piece of work created in the centre of Stolkholm by Erik Johansson, a Swedish artist. His giant artwork was covered by various newspapers around the world, including Metro.

For all its beauty, street art remains controversial, being regarded by many as graffiti. I enjoy the anarchic beauty of it, however, and its potential for breaking up the grey angularity of so many of our modern urban spaces.

Enjoy.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Lego lunacy

A friend’s Facebook update reminded me how much I used to love Lego® as a kid.

Lego was kept in a special box (and, latterly, when I needed additional storage, an old Quality Street tin). It was a green-coloured wooden box that Granddad had made specially, with brass hinges and brass hooks, and numerous internal compartments. From time to time I would sort the various bricks and planks into types, putting them in different sections. It’s what probably led me to insist on alphabetising my CD and DVD collections…

The living room now looking like an explosion in a Lego factory, I would build space stations in the vicinity of the neighbourhood Lego garage, with spaceships to explore the strange new world of the Christmas tree, its lights twinkling away like stars and its glass baubles dangling like asteroids. Back then, most of the pieces weren’t pre-moulded and so you had to be inventive with the bits you did have to create wings, cockpits, laser cannons etc. Lighting bricks, with a cleverly concealed battery pack, lent these Lego landscapes an eerie quality, especially in the dark, with Lego figurines casting four-inch shadows on the plastic tarmac.

Skip forward twenty years and stop-motion animators have had a world of fun with Lego.

Here are four of my favourites: The Battle For Helm’s Deep (by TXsamwise), Star Wars – The Elevator (by obibrickkenobi), The Letter (by JamesFM) and The Ninja Fight (byLegoDude8000).

Vodpod videos no longer available. Vodpod videos no longer available.
Vodpod videos no longer available. Vodpod videos no longer available.